The Commissar–Mad Libs

Excerpt from: “Controlling the Universities. Learn how the […] pushed their ideology onto […] universities, and how academics like […] and […] responded.”  

[…] was the first university the [….] tackled, precisely because it was the most self-confidently liberal of major […] universities, with a faculty that prided itself on its allegiance to scholarship, freedom of conscience, and democracy. The […] knew that control of […] University would mean control of […] academia. And so did everyone at the university.

Above all, […] had a science faculty distinguished both by its scholarship and by its liberal convictions; and outstanding among the […] scientists was a biochemist-physiologist of Nobel-Prize caliber and impeccable liberal credentials. When the appointment of a […] commissar was announced . . . and every teacher and graduate assistant at the university was summoned to a faculty meeting to hear this new master, everybody knew that a trial of strength was at hand. I had never before attended a faculty meeting, but I did attend this one.

The new […] commissar wasted no time on the amenities. He immediately announced that […] would be forbidden to enter university premises and would be dismissed without salary on March 15; this was something that no one had thought possible despite the […]’ loud anti[…]. Then he launched into a tirade of abuse, filth, and four-letter words such as had been heard rarely even in the barracks and never before in academia. . . . [He] pointed his finger at one department chairman after another and said, “You either do what I tell you or we’ll put you into a […] camp.” There was silence when he finished; everybody waited for the distinguished biochemist-physiologist. The great liberal got up, cleared his throat, and said, “Very interesting, Mr. Commissar, and in some respects very illuminating: but one point I didn’t get too clearly. Will there be more money for research in physiology?"